Family's Memories

Aimee Nolte (Sept. 11, 2003) In August of 2001, I made a trip to Weaverville. One evening, Scott and I decided we'd like to go play basketball at the elementary school. He drove me over there in a little compact car that Dad had bought for him and we parked just across the street from the parkat the back of the school. He grabbed the ball and we started to walk down the hill to the basketball courts. He was in front of me on the sidewalk and he turned and threw me the ball. I told him to turn back around and Id try to throw the ball over his head while we were walking so that he could catch it in front of him. We quickly made a rule that he couldn't turn his head back to look at me at all. I'd tell him when the ball was coming, and he'd just keep walking and catch it right in front of his face. After a few tries, he did it. We switched places. He was behind me now and we just kept walking. He was making perfect or near-perfect throws to me, but I don't think ever caught the ball without turning my head slightly back toward him to catch a glimpse of it before it came over my head. I was probably too afraid of getting hit! Scott and I got to the courts and found 2 of his classmates (Jeremiah Jones and another boy whose name I can't remember). We decided that we would play them to 10 by ones. It was the first time in a long time that I had played with my brother. He made some wonderful shots and great passes to me, and we had a blast. We lost the first game, won the second, and barely lost the 3rd, by one basket. Scott was a little ticked off by that to say the least, but I was thrilled just to have kept up. Mom and Emma had shown up to watch the last game, so Scott wasn't excited about losing in front of them either. He shook it off pretty well though, and we walked back up the hill to the car playing our new game. He made another great catch or two and we got in the car. My brother was a BALLER. He lived for ball. He was coordinated as heck and would tell you so at the drop of a hat. He hated to lose, and didnt do it often but I was happy as could be that he took a loss that day, so that he could play with his big sister. I love Scott and think about him every day. I remember his smile and the way he called me "Aimee Canos." (A name which made no sense, but was his nickname of choice for me) I remember how when I would ask him to do something for me, he would raise his eyebrows and say, "Uh, thats a negative". I remember the way he used to try to get a rise out of me and the way it felt to touch his curly rough hair when I pushed him to the ground and yelled, "Get off of me!" I can hear him in my mind saying, "Come on!" as he sprang back up to his feet and got in my face. His spirit was so strong, its gonna be here a long time. It didn't die with him. I remember my brother all the time, and Im sure he wants it that way. Take a second and think about the way his voice sounded. Try and envision the way his face looked when he was telling you how fat your mom was. Look up and give him a smile today, and don't ever stop missing him. Aimee Nolte (ON SCOTT'S BDAY, 1984) Seeing how I was only 7, I can't remember too much. I do remember some little things though... While Mom was pregnant, I spent a fair amount of time trying to name the baby. I already had 2 brothers, and was ready for a sister. I think her name would've been Jana, had a girl been born. I went to stay with my grandma and grandpa Fackrell when Mom went into labor. It seems like PJ was there with me too, but maybe not. I remember hoping that my new sibling would be born before I went to bed that night, but there was no such luck. I went to sleep in between my grandparents in their water bed that had satin sheets. I was awakened in the night by a phone call. Grandma told me that I had a new baby brother. I cried because I had wanted a sister so badly and I was upset about it. The next morning, my grandma took me to the hospital to see Mom and the baby. He hadn't been named yet. Mom told me she wanted to see what I thought before she and Dad made their minds up. They were sure that "Ernest" would be the middle name (after my dad), but were trying to decide between "Scott" and "Jeff" for a first name. When I looked at that baby and held him in the hospital room, I decided He would have to be named Scott. The reason was because the only Jeff I knew was Jeff Brown and he had blond hair. This baby had brown hair and could not be named Jeff (although that would've been cool cuz his initials would've spelled his name...J.E.F.!) Mom and Dad let me believe that I named him, even though I'm pretty sure they already had their minds made up. I always told Scott that I named him though. Maybe that's why he saw fit to make up his own name for me as well..."Aimee Canos," but that's a story for another day. Aimee Nolte (older sister--The Last Time I Saw Scott): The last weekend that Scott and I spent together was about a week before the accident. We were in my mom's car, driving to the State Fair in Oregon to meet our cousins and sister one night. For the entire drive, Scott criticized my driving skills and we argued about whether or not he needed to wear a seat belt. We did my best to keep the country music off of the radio and he did his best to keep it playing. When we got to the parking lot at the fair, we saw that it was going to cost us $7. Scott noticed that the lady in the booth had not seen us yet. He grabbed the wheel and tried to turn us into a parking spot so that we wouldn't have to pay. I wouldn't let him do it. He was acting pretty mad, although I think it was mostly an act. We ended up paying the 7 bucks, but being to late to get into the fair that night. Instead, we drove to a store and bought desert and ate way too much together while we watched Wayne's World at my cousin's house. Needless to say, he brought up the fact that we payed 7 dollars for nothing several times for the rest of the night.


Shannon Nugent (Aunt) Scott always had to be the "best" at everything. If Chris could do 100 situps with the plastic tummy exerciser and P.J. could do 150, then by golly, Scott (who was 1/2 PJ's size) was going to do 200 or die trying. I remember begging Scott to stop because he was going to be sick. He passed Chris's record, then P.J.'s record and instead of stopping at 151 like most competive people would do, he had to make sure that no one would break his record. He went on to 200 and a belly ache! Scott loved to slug me (rather hard) in the back and ask, "How's the kids, Aunt Shannon?" To know him, was truly to love him.


Jenni Tingle (cousin) I remember when we were young and we would play "house" at the Fackrell's and we use to make Scott be the baby because he was the littlest and the cutest. He was always such a great sport!


Margo Posenjak (Aunt) When Trula was expecting Scott I was living in Weaverville and Trula and I were very close. We had adopted Adam in May of 1984 and I was fine with the fact that I would never deliver a baby of my own. Trula, however, wanted me to experience the whole childbirth and delivery with her this time. She arranged for me to be her birthing coach and we took the classes and watched the movies together. We had some fun times practicing breathing and counting contractions. She could have taught the classes by this point in her career! When Trula went into labor, I was there, and so was everyone else. I did my job, but she didn't mind me very well. I think she didn't really need anyone to tell her how to do this, she had it down pat, but wanted me to be close. I'm sure the whole birthing room experience was something I needed to add to my list of accomplishments, but I was convinced that there are some who are called to it, and I probably wasn't one of them! When our precious Scott arrived we were all relieved that it was over for Trula and wondered if this might be the last baby. Foutunately for all of us, she had one more beautiful baby to bring to us. Trula and I shared several precious months with our little boys before I moved from Weaverville. The boys stayed close although they would not remember the early months that we shared in Weaverville. We loved the times that Adam and Scott could be re-united in Weaverville and at the Ranch, or at Grandma and Grandpa's in Mesa. They were two of a kind and loved to compete with each in everything, it didn't even need to be sports. Both gifted athletes, it was fun to watch them challenge each other. Of course, our whole family loved being around Scott and looked forward to the fun he brought to any family gathering. My most tender moment with Scott was at the hospital in Salem, after he had said good-bye to Grandma Haws for what would be the last time. He was tearful and tender, and let me hug on him as long as I wanted to. I did tease him about the stubble on his arms as he held me with them. I was so glad to have had that very special moment with him.


Keri Fackrell (Cousin) My family went up to visit one night and have dinner with everyone. So as usual we all the kids went down and started making the whole downstairs pitch black, getting it ready for the ultimate Fackrell game- Capture the Flag. We got all the ammunition ready.. boxing gloves, punching bags, pillows, anything that would make the opponent go down... but not get hurt. (We weren't heartless!) Well, i got put on the opposite team than Scott. He was posted in his room, guarding their flag. The last and toughest opponent to fight through before you captured sweet victory! Well... by some miracle i made it! I was there... all i had left was Scotty. Piece of cake! haha- yeah right. What was i thinking?!?! Well, i wasn't and i totally just jumped head first, trying to dive and capture the flag. Well this was a very serious game as you all know. Scott wasn't about to lose... so he tackled me mid-air, right into the dresser. Well i started crying and then asked him if i was bleeding. With his lil grin he said "oh no- your fine... but lets go upstairs k?" I was freaking out and by the time we made it up the stairs blood was running down my face. Our parents didn't seem very surprised... but they didn't want me to go to the hospital there, so we just kinda waited to see what would happen. well everything healed fine, but i will never forget the nights we all stayed up playing games and shooting cans from the porch at the house. We always were a competitive family! I miss Scotty so much, but he's probably captain of the fiercest Capture the Flag team ever right now!


Joany Haws (Aunt) : Uncle Harold and I were just going to sleep on the night of the accident when Shannon called to tell us what had happened. I knew from what she said and the tone of her voice that it was a very serious accident. We prayed right then. I was unable to go to the service for Scott as I stayed in Salem at the hospital with Grandma Haws. I could never truly relay in words what it was like to see her grieve so deeply for Scott and his family. Her heart was breaking for Trula. We spent the day reading the Bible and praying and wondering. Uncle Harold was so good to keep us updated as often as possible. Time heals but never replaces the sense of loss we have for Scott. Love, Aunt Joany


Joan Fackrell (Aunt): I have given it much thought about you and your family and the loss that you guys went through and how our family was touched by the accident. I want to first say I am not sure how it feels to lose a Son. The loss of a sibling I can't imagine either. But the Gospel of Jesus Christ has made it to where we can be together forever. Something I learned when I went to the temple as a youth to be sealed to my family, was the promise that was made to our family. I had an older sister who passed away right after I was born. The Temple President talked us after we sealed as a family for Time and all Eternity. His advice was LIVE WORTHY , and he repeated himself a few times after about the third time, he said you will go through this life not seeing her Don't go through the Eternities. I know that has been advice that I have tried to live by, because I can't imagine not being able to be a part of her life. Our prayers are always with you and your families. Our testimonies have been strengthened by your examples. We love you all. Aunt Joan


Margo Posenjak (Aunt): We got the call late in the night that Scott had been in an accident. We prayed through the night and then waited. Adam was still at home when the call came that Scott was gone. His heart was breaking, but he came to find me in my classroom at school to tell me. We held each other and cried. I held him so tighly, like I never wanted to let him go. He explained to our school secretary that we had to leave and he walked me to my car. The plans were quickly made for us to go to Weaverville for the funeral and I'm so glad we were all there together, especially for Trula and her kids. I was so impressed with how many of Scott's teachers and friends were there to support the family as well. I loved the fun things that were said about Scott, that just confirmed to us that others loved him as much as we did. My boys loved Scott and have fond memories of vacations spent with the Fackrells either at the R Ranch or at Grandma and Grandpa's in Mesa. I'm sure I have been a lot more clingy with my boys since we lost Scott, but I want to love them while I have them. Trula, you are my hero and the perfect mother for your kids and grandkids. I love you. Margo


Craig Fackrell (cousin)I dont have a lot of them because my family moved to Utah when I was only 7, but I do remember spending some really good times with my cousins in weaverville. One memory I have of scott came back to me very suddenly as I was serving a mission for the Church in French Polynesia. I had only been there a couple of weeks and was on my very first island, called Manihi. My companion and I ate dinner with a family at their house, and as we left they handed me a big bundle of leftovers for us to take home. So i got on my bike with the bundle in my right hand, and my left hand on the handle bars. Not even a minute later, it starting pouring rain and we were both soaked from head to toe. Up ahead I saw my companion pull over to find some shelter and I realized I was going to have to brake. With my right hand taken, I was forced to brake with my left, which goes to the front tire. As you can imagine, that choice sent me flying through the air head first. I got up covered in mud and blood streaming from my elbow. We decided to walk the rest of the way. As we were walking, a memory of scott came to my mind. When we were little, scott and I were playing in a field near his house and I got a splinter in my big toe. He suggested that we go see grandma and she would know what to do. So we did, and grandma told me my only option was to dig it out with a big pair of tweezers. I told her I would rather just leave it in there. When scott heard that he said, "are you crazy, it will only hurt for a couple of seconds, I do it all the time." So I finally let her pull it out I think. So that's one thing I remember about scott, his high tolerance for pain. That helped me out a lot in that situation. Throughout my mission, and even to today, I think a lot about scott, and his big smiling face will pop into my mind at times I least expect it. I know he still lives and that he is involved in all of our lives, even now. Another memory I have is when I was about 13, scott came to visit my family in Utah with Grandma and Grandpa in their motorhome. When they got there, I remember asking scott, "so how was the drive, wasn't it boring driving all the way across Nevada?" He said, "yeah, especially since grandpa never got that motorhome above 50 miles per hour!"


Sonja Fackrell (Sister-in law) Although I never knew Scott, there aren't many days that I don't think about him. Here is my one contact with Scott that may have forever altered my path. I don't know for certain that Chris and I would be together if it weren't for Scott. Even as insignificant as this action was, I believe it to be the reason why I am now a part of this wonderful family. When I met Chris over the Fourth of July 2001, I was immediately surprised by how I felt for someone I had only just met. Chris and I met Friday night and then hung out together most of Saturday night. When Chris dropped me off Saturday night we didn't exchange phone numbers and I don't think we had the intention of pursuing anything because I lived so far away and was older. On Sunday though I couldn't stop thinking about Chris and didn't know what I was going to do. I had to leave to drive back home and wanted to see Chris before I left to see if he felt the way I did. I got in the phone book and looked up both Paul and Trula's phone numbers. I was very nervous because I didn't know who would answer the phone and I didn't want anyone to think it was strange for me to be calling. I assumed Chris lived with Paul so I called there first and no one answered. I was on my way out of town and decided to try Trula's number with huge butterflies in my stomach. Scott answered the phone and I tried to just find out if Chris was home and he wasn't. I didn't want to leave a message, but Scott insisted that I tell him my name, so I did. I don't know if Chris had told Scott that he met me over the weekend, but after hearing my name Scott told me to try Chris on his cell phone and gave me the number. This may not be a fantastic story, but without Chris' cell phone number I don't think I would have pursued anything further because I was scared to death of the family and their reaction to me. After leaving a message for Chris on his cell phone, we immediately began dating, and now of course are married. Not many people knew that we dated in the beginning, but Chris told me that Scott had figured it out. Although I love my new family and I am very happy to be a part of it, I only wish I had the opportunity to meet my other brother-in-law, Scott. Of course with the way I play basketball, Scott would never have allowed me on his team :)

Aunt, Rea Mennenga: I always have fond memories of the year the Fackrells visited us in Orlando for Thanksgiving. We had a great time, but I especially remember how Scottie only wanted to wear his Super Man shirt, even though they were his pajamas! He would get up on the edge of the sofa and dive down, yelling "Super Man!" He was so cute doing this - he looked like a little peanut jumping off the couch...thus his alias, "Peanut" began about the age or 3 years old, in Orlando, Florida!


Joany Haws (Aunt) I think my favorite memory of Scott was his sweet, sweet spirit. He had a way of his way of pushing himself into your heart. The cutest little boy!! But the funniest(embarrassing on my part!)was when I went to a Shakespeare play in Ashland with some students from our school -- Western Baptist College. I ran into my own nephew (who was there with a group from his high school in Weaverville) and didn't even recognize him. It had been awhile since I had seen him but, come on... I was his aunt! It was kind of one of those moments when you see someone you know in a place where you don't expect to see someone you know. Anyway....he graciously reminded me that he was Scott, my nephew. What a great kid!!! I miss him.


Emma Fackrell (sister) Scott used to call me (Emma) Emers whenever he wanted something, like cookies, or dinner, or something to drink.


Monica Porter (cousin) My most vivid memory of Scott is when the Fackrell family came to our house in Florida to visit. I believe that is when he got his nickname peanut from my mom. I remember swimming, going to Disney, going to the beach and staying at the condo and I especially remember his adorable little smile. I still picture Scottie as a little boy. I am so thankful that I was able to see him and talk to him in Oregon just a week before he died. I know the Lord planned that trip for me to be able to see both him and grandma, since it had been so long since I had seen them last


Keri Fackrell (cousin) The memory that sticks out the most when we were little was when scott came running out of the port-a-potty in weaverville with his pants off. from then on we called him scotty the port-a-potty.that drove him nuts. but he outgrew it. my latest memory of scotty, was at Youth conference last year. i loved hearing how strong he was in the church and we were able to spend so much more time together. i'm so grateful that we were able to have that time and i'm grateful for the church for giving me so many oppurtunities to be with him and all of my cousins.

JoNeal Fackrell (cousin) The ultimate time that i will remeber was when we went to the lake, and Scott used the port-a-potty. i remember i think it was p.j, who opened the door, and there stood scott, his pants down to his ankles, i have always laughed at that. But i remember when we would walk down to the jolly cone, and get an icecream ( and Tish always followed us). Or the time when we would stay up late, playing pool, basketball, or wrestle. Scott was very competitive, but let me win "some times". I remember all of us kids got together down stairs at the old house, and we would cover the windows, and turn off all the lights, and we would play capture the flag. i would always go upstairs first, because i hated be knocked around by a bunch of teenage boys!!! What i remember will always remain in my heart. I know scotty is in a good place, and I know he is being taken care of by family, friends, and our heavenly father. We all need to remember these good times, and not bad, for that is how we get on with our lives. i know that we will see each other again, and i love ya scott! Cousin JoJo



Aimee Nolte (sister): I brought John home with me for Christmas (right before we got engaged in 1997) to meet my family. My mom asked him to fill the ice cube trays at some point during his stay. He started filling them at the sink, with the water barely running, filling one little empty pool at a time...then moving the tray a half-inch to fill the next, and so on (very tedious). Scott came up to John and said, "Hey Genius, why don't you try it like this and then you won't be here all day blocking the sink." (or something to that effect) Then he proceeded to show John how to tilt the tray so that the water could run from the top pools into the bottom ones. John was grateful. Later that day, we were having a BBQ, and all of the condiments were set out on the kitchen counter for everyone to get their buns ready for burgers. In typical Fackrell family fashion, there was a humongous container of mayonnaise from Costco, and in even more typical family fashion it was almost empty. Mom had laid it on its side to make it easier to handle. John saw the container on its side and tipped it upright, stuck the butter knife all the way to the bottom, scraped a tiny amount of Mayo up and got his hand all messy in the process. Scott (13 years old at the time) was next to him at the counter and said, "Uh yeah, if you would've left it on its side, you'd have gotten more on the knife and less on your hand. Let Scott show you how it's done, huh." He then shook the Mayo from the bottom to the side and laid it back down the way it was. I think my John was definitely impressed by my brother's keen intellect on that trip.
Aimee Nolte (sister) Sept 11, 2006: Scott had a guilty pleasure that he would probably kill me for telling you all about. The kid loved TV. He watched lots, but among his favorite shows were "Full House" and "Family Matters." I'm not just talking about when he was a little kid, because the last trip I took home (before he passed away), I saw something very funny. He had been sitting with Emma on the couch at my mom's house, watching Full House, when a bunch of football buddies came over. They had all been to "hell week" practice earlier and were breaking for lunch, I believe. When his friends came in to sit on the couch with him, he started to flip through the channels with the remote. When he got around to the "Full House" station, he paused for a second and looked around at the other guys (I suppose to see if any of their eyes lit up for a second), but none of them had the sparkle he was looking for. He proceeded to look for a more manly show, and I can't remember what he finally settled on, but I can remember seeing a little bit of regret behind his eyes as he realized he'd have to miss the episode. :) Scott also knew all of the commercials on tv at any given time period. He would recite them at dinner time, or sing the jingles as he meandered around the house. I can see him coming up to me with his eyebrows raised and an angelic smile as he put his face just inches from mine and sang, "Merry Christmas, from Payless........Merry Chriiiiiiiistmas." It was impossible not to crack up and shake my head at what a weirdo he was. I used to tell him when I lived in NYC that he should come after high school and intern for a TV station there. I think he could have come up with great advertising campaigns for studly football players to view in the privacy of their own homes as they secretly viewed reruns of old family-friendly sitcoms. Don't be mad, Scotter. I thought you were SO cute. Still do.


Shannon Nugent (Aunt): I have a little story about Scott that I thought of. When Scott was 3 or 4 years old I went with his parents, G & G Haws and his siblings to the Lewiston Fish Hatchery. We stopped to look at some of the fish in the tanks and some of us took a potty break. We all got back in the car and headed merrily down the road. We were some distance when Paul (Sr) asked where Scott was. He wasn't in the van and no one knew. It was determined that I was the last one who saw him in the women's bathroom. It wasn't one of my finer hours. (It was right up there with the time I didn't see Emma jump in the pool and she almost drowned.) By the time we got back to the hatchery, Scott had been located by a Ranger (or whatever they're called) and they were waiting for us. I'm told that this isn't the only time that Scott got left somewhere. Trula recalls that a few years later the family was at Fall River playing golf with the Greg Olson family. Apparantly they all loaded up and got a ways down the road when someone discovered that Scotter was missing again. By the time they got back, he was standing on the side of the road waiting for his family. He knew the drill by then. (I was NOT along on that trip.)


Emma Fackrell (sister) When I was about 5-6 years old I can recall Scott asking me the words..."Don't you trust me Emma??" I knew I could only answer yes....And then following this question he would have me stand in the middle of the living room strong as I could. My back was facing him, and he would get a running start, put his hands on my shoulders, and jump over my head. I was so scared...but I trusted my brother. This was a daily activity for Scott. Lucky me!!!! Let's see...this memory is a little embarrassing, but my family I know will enjoy it. I used to get stuck in the back seat on family trips inbetween Chris and Scott. I always got pushed around...cried A LOT...and etc. I remember Chris fell asleep and Scott leaned over and whispered in my ear..."give Chris a kiss on the lips!" I refused...but then Scott threatened a beat down...so I did as he requested. I layed a big one on Chris's mouth waking him up. Chris ticked off and mad as ever started punching me and telling me I better never do that again. All the while Scott sat there crying due to laughter. A week before Scott's accident my mom, him, and I took a trip to Oregon to go visit our sick grandma. What a fun trip...Scott and I were told to watch Miles (our little nephew who was about 3 at that time). So scott and I took him to the park and then went on a drive to hopefully put him to sleep. In which Miles did...he fell right to sleep. We then arrived back to the hospital, Scott and I got out of the car forgetting about our little nephew in the back seat. We went inside and about 30 minutes later...I asked Scott confused..."Where is Miles?" He then gave me this frightened look for we both realized at that minute we forgot him in the car. We ran as quick as we could down the hospital hallway. Scott sticking his arm in the elevator door last min. before it shut. Got to the bottom floor and sprinted to the car. There we found our little nephew asleep, sweating refusely. Scott grabbed Miles out of the car...wrapped him in his arms, and began to get teary eyed while I stood there balling my eyes out. Scott then started talking to Miles trying to get him to respond..in which he did. Scott put Miles in the outside water fountain to cool him down. Scott was so scared for little Miles. He loved Miles....just like I did....and of course still do. We were so relieved to find Miles just fine! I love my brother...and it is so nice to know we all still think of him often and have fond memories with him. I do know he is in a better place, and am comforted by the fact I know I will see him again someday!

Shannon Nugent (Sept 2008)
Scott did not like store brand cereals. THey had to be big names. One time I was over there and told him I was going shopping, what did he need. He opened the cereal cabinet and pointed to all the "no-name" cereal and said, "Aunt Shannon, all we have is crap cereal around here. Could you please get something we can eat?" Miss you Scotty.

Keri Fackrell (2005)

It was 4 years ago... but i remember it like it was yesterday....

We were at a church dance, and as usual- i was related to most of the people there. lol. but i remember one slow song my cousin Scott and I were dancing. He was just being Scott, you know- very protective and always thinkin that he could take any guy who even thought of trying to ask me out. It was annoying, but I always appreciated it. During that dance, he asked me the normal "so who else here is hot besides me?" and "so is there anyone i need to give a Fackrell beating to yet?" He was the typical high school jock thinking, no wait- knowing, that he is Mr. Big Stuff himself. He told me to always go for the good guy, and trust me, he tried his hardest to help me find him. lol. A week later, we were at a church fireside in Redding and him and my other cousin Karl drove down from Weaverville for it. I always looked forward to seeing the both of them. Even though they had all the girls around them and seemed to be busy with everything else in life, they always either sat with us or hung out with us afterward. so after the fireside, Scott and Karl had to take home Scott's friend, so we said our good-byes and went our seperate ways. I could never have been prepared for what was going to happen. Just hours later around 12, we got a phone call from my uncle saying that Scott and Karl were in an accident. Scott was airlifted to the hospital and Karl was going by ambulance. Karl was ok, but Scott was thrown over 50 feet away from the car, and wasnt expected to make it. He was 16!!! why would he die! When we got to the hospital, all of our family and some close friends were there. i remember sitting outside the ICU just praying and crying with everyone. me and all of the cousins started talking about Scott and some things we remembered about him, then somehow we all started singing his favorite song from the fireside that nite. It was such an amazing experience and it really made me realize how much my family meant to me. Well, Scott fought hard, but died the next day. It was the worst thing to ever happen to me, and still is. Scott was a stud. He was the most popular guy in Weaverville, loved God, his family and sports. At the football game that friday, trinity played CV. All of my family went and Karl wore scott's uniform. They had a candlelight vigile and a moment of silence for him. then afterward a few of the CV players came to me and my family and express their sorrow and empathy for my family. It meant so much to know how much Scott touched everyone.

His funeral was an amazing tribute to him and i thought helped me gain some closure. My cousin PJ told me to read Alma 40 (Book of Mormon) to help me. It has become a major source of comfort and strength for me the past 4 years, but lately it's not enough. Yesterday marked the 4th year since his death. and for the first time i couldnt stop crying about it. I still am actually. I cant seem to figure out why its so hard this year... but it is. Maybe its because i'm at the age that I remember him looking forward to. Playing college ball, looking forward to his mission, seeing his family grow and playing with his nieces and nephews. I wonder why i feel so lost and alone. I know he's there and is watching over us...still helping me find myself. He would've been 20 this year.

I'm realizing that i need to do something with my life. I cant just sit here. He wouldnt have. I should be out in the world, trying to make a name for myself and helping others, rather than just sitting here complaining to my best friends, knowingly not helping them at all. I wish Scott was still here. Pushing me to be tougher, more loving and more of the person i should be. I havent been to his grave since the funeral, and i think i will go this week. I miss him alot lately, maybe that'll help. I wish that i could be more like he was. So selfless and willing to help anyone. (even if he was cocky, but what Fackrell boy isnt?? ) I think i really need to re-evaluate what i'm doing with my life. I need to make it worth something. I want to leave a good impression on people that is impossible to forget. I want to be the person that people call on for help, when they need to talk, and for love- knowing that i'll always be there for them. I need to be more giving and less selfish. More faithful and less doubtful. More loving and less greedy. More Patient and not expect perfection out of people, especially since i could be the farthest thing from it. I'm not sure where i was going with all of this, but i really just needed to vent i guess. Looking at what i have to look forward to, and what Scott missed out on, i just need to get myself motivated and realize what i should be doing with my life. Being patient, knowing that there is a plan for me and I just need to have a little bit of faith. I'm so grateful for my family and friends and my relationship with Heavenly Father, and how much they all help me to find myself. Thanks for everything.

R.I.P Scotty Boy 6/9/84-9/10/01